We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
