Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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