I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
