I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
