Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
