What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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