im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have aggressive nipples.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
