sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
