you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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