He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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