Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
