I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
