Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
