there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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