allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
