don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
