My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
handjob tips. give me some.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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