I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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