I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no, he came in my armpit
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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