Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are my feet made of real feet?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
