Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
