Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
