hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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