What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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