I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize