is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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