When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
