Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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