So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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