You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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