The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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