i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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