I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
