Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
