he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
