i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
