Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
