I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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