Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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