How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
