I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
