I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
