Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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