I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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