If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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