My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
