what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
