I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
