I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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