We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
