I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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