this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck appropriateness.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
