He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
