ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
