Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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