Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
