I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
