There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
