i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
