would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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