Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
