i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
