I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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