life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
