just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
