my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
