I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
