I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
