I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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