U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
