Plan B is the new Plan A
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
