Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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