her vagine was all disorganized.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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