im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
