Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
