did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
