just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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