It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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