I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
