she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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